Zoralei's Identity

I write this separate, even though I blogged for today, but it is an important piece of the puzzle for Zoralei.  Through all the endometriosis and subsequent RND, Zoralei has been in pain for so long that it has become the defining element of her life. All her experiences with doctors, their callous approach to what she was experiencing has defined her faith in the program and even in how those around her might be there for her.  It has contributed to her dismissiveness towards emotions. It has been the main thing she has talked about in all her conversations. As a matter of fact, most teenagers don't even approach challenges healthwise that she has gone through and to some degree, she has struggled to be empathetic to them in their challenges.

Now, despite still experiencing the pain of RND, she has been taught that pain is not the defining characteristic of her life.  She has had to learn to enjoy her life, to figure who she is without being in pain.  Pain is no longer the limiting factor for physical activity. As a matter of fact, previous to this diagnosis, she would not have joined the church basketball team, but when they started last week, she joined up. She was in so much pain before that she wouldn't write, though she is an amazing writer. But she is writing again.  The only limit for writing is finding time with makeup work and other commitments to do so, rather than it hurts too much to do it.

It changes how she sees herself in relationship to others.  Her life is no longer worse off than theirs because there is no limits to what she is doing now.  She has to learn to talk about other things as important and yet none are quite so dramatic or all encompassing as the pain and so learning to communicate without all the drama or the one-sidedness is its own challenge.

I think she is doing well in the transition, at least outwardly.  Sometimes though she seems tired and unsure as if trying to figure it all out does take its toll.